By Ann E. Funck

“That’s the color of baby poop,” announced an elderly woman at the Toyota dealership some weeks ago. We were looking at the new mail-truck-boxy Matrix.

“Well, my salesman Tod just told me that Matrix color ‘is me,’” I said. “It’s ‘Sundance Metallic,’ according to this brochure.”

But I didn’t test drive it after her remark.

The next Sunday morning I happened to see the TV show “Top Gear” on the BBC America channel. One guest claimed he liked the interior of a Pagani “Huayra” vehicle shown on a large screen in the studio.

“See, it’s not sensible and boring,” he stated.

I saw the interior color was exactly the same ghastly burnt orange as Toyota’s Matrix exterior Sundance Metallic! Only not metallic.

The guy host of the show told him, “If you want that color, just have a baby — you’ll have it eight times a day.” The host also scoffed at the name “Huayra,” saying it sounded like upchucking...

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By Ann E. Funck

“What kind of car are you looking for?” the car salesman asked me on the phone.

“A cheap sexy car.” I know this kind of car is as rare as a blushing bride, but why not ask a bored salesman named Brad a hard question and see what happens?

“With distinguishing characteristics, like side vents and turbo dual exhausts,” I added. “New or gently used.”

Brad suggested a pre-owned Crossfire. “It’s a 2005 with a Mercedes engine for only $15,900, with a 5-speed transmission.”

What would I do with five speeds? The intersection cameras are spraying tickets willy-nilly in our city, and the speed limit lowers with regularity. What’s the point of power? I need a sexy cheap car, not a fast one.

“Mileage?” I asked.

“Fifty-seven thousand, but that’s barely broken in for a Mercedes engine,” Brad said with conviction.

“That’s been rode har...

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